¡No soy muerto todavía! Realmente

So, your country hasn't adopted Family Contact Day yet and your stuck at work? I feel for you my friend. I'm in the same boat. It's raining here today too. What a downer. At least you're not Mr. Carlos Camejo though. Don't bother complaining about the stack of papers, or dirty clothes, you have to sort through to this guy. I don't think he'll have too much sympathy for you; but he can tell you what a bad day is really like. This Venezuelan man was recently hurt in a serious car wreck. Seriously hurt. So seriously hurt, in fact, that he was rushed by ambulance to the city morgue. Yeah, dead serious.

As if lying, all cadaverous, on a morgue slab wasn't bad enough, just wait. Things get worse for corpse once the medical examiners got a hold of him. They began their autopsy by cutting into the recently departed's face, but had to take pause and scratch their heads when the deceased Mr. Camejo started bleeding. You see, dead men don't tell tales, or bleed. So they did what any self-respecting physician with high ethical standards would do: quickly stitch up their incision, quietly move him to a nearby corridor and...leave him there.

His grieving widow, who was called to the hospital to identify her expired husband, found him in the hallway and not dead. ¡Ay Dios Mio! I'm assuming the doctors weren't there to explain things to the Camejos because they were cleaning the shit out of their pants.

Carlos seems to be doing well now. Here he is, telling his story to the El Universal newspaper last Friday, holding his own death certificate and sporting a swell new facial scar.

Только сделайте это

Ice box not keeping your borscht cold enough? Fetzer valve leaking fluid from your AvtoVAZ Automobilny? Fret not my Ruskie brothers, for today is your lucky day. That's right, it's that time of year again. Merry Conception Day comrades!

If the Kremlin's a rockin', don't come a knockin'. Two years ago, Provincial Governor, Sergei Morozov, declared September 12th "Family Contact Day" for all of Ulyanovsk and encourages citizens to go home and roll in the hay. What makes Sept. 12th so special, you may ask? 9/12 is exactly 9 months from the 6/12 National holiday of "Russia Day"! Families who "give birth to a Patriot," on Russia Day, get to put their living raffle ticket into a hopper and win fantastic prizes such as cash, a refrigerator or a car! Pozdravlyayu!

According to Reuters, the celebration, coined "Conception Day" by Russia's press, was prompted by the declining birth rate. Just like Swiss glaciers, the population of Russia is also shrinking. In fact, the largest country on Earth is close to the least populated. As deaths continue to exceed births, the number of Russian residents is decreasing by about 700,000 people a year. Uvidimsya! Russia's high rates of AIDS, alcoholism and suicide seem to be the major factors in this decline. Good times.

Gov. Sergei permits couples to work only a half day, allowing them to leave early to return home to spawn. From Russia with love. In Family Contact Day's first year, 311 would-be baby makers signed up to just do it. 9 months later, 46 little babushka's were birthed. Last year, 500 women registered for the reproduction rally. On 6/12/07: 78 babies were born. That's a 4.5% increase in the birth rate since the event was conceived. Mother Russia is pleased.

The thing that intrigues me the most though, what were those 189 ladies thinking in 2005? Who turns down a government approved get-out-of-work-free-card with the added bonus certificate of afternoon coitus? What about the hundreds of (presumably more) other women who are at work, right now, choosing to stay there rather than take the day off to fornicate with their mate? Talk about an iron curtain.

Sudden Serious Sweetness

Who has the coolest wife ever? I do, I do!

Let me tell you why. After coming in from mowing the lawn this weekend, all bummed out with a dead mp3 player in my hand, she looked at me and said: "Why don't we go look at those new iPods you've been talking about." I sort of thought she was just being mean at first. Like she was going to to crack herself up any second and then apologize for the bad joke; but she didn't. Instead, she completely stunned me by saying she'd like to trade a piece of jewelry, I surprised her with, for it. She was totally sincere too. I had recently given her a very pretty bracelet of fresh water pearls as a gift. You know, just for...because. Who doesn't like unanticipated gifts? She was very touched, I know. But after thinking about it for a couple weeks, she decided she wasn't going to wear it enough to keep. I honestly tried to talk her out of it too. Really, for all she does for us, she's deserving of a lot more than semi-precious. But the bracelet was silvery, rose and blue in hue and I think it was just a little to "girly" for her. And as they say, it's the thought that counts, right? I surely never would have predicted she's be so pleased by my intention alone that she would want to take back jewelry and buy me a present though. Go figure. It's Oh so O. Henry!

I don't know why, but I usually equate Karma with punishment, not reward. It really does go both ways though. It doesn't hurt to be married to such a genuinely unselfish woman either. The Mrs. did mention, however, that "this probably won't happen the next time" I decide to surprise her with a shiny adornment.

I wouldn't want it to. Thank You K. You're so awesome!

P.S. You were totally right. This iPod blows away the Neuros in every respect; and you know how geeked I was over that thing.