Botanic

The Saint Paul Farmers Market has finally opened. I love that place. We picked up a few hanging baskets for the back yard. Picking out new baskets has become an annual Springtime tradition for me. (Yeah, that's right, I like flowers.) This early in the season there isn't much else at the market besides flora and flowerage. The average last frost date for the Twin Cities is May 15th after all. But the place was hoppin'. Busy Bees were scouring the grounds in search of alluring annuals for their flowerbeds and porch urns. From Ageratums to Zinnias, the Market at 5th and Wall has them all. Lobelia and Torenia and Begonia, oh my! Vendors were pushing their perennials too, but the baskets and flats were where it was at. Burgeoning blossoms abounded.

Speaking of perennials, the tulips I got from Holland a few years ago sprouted in my little back garden...and were quickly eaten by rabbits. So the other day I headed out to the local hardware store in search of hare remover. Something to repel those confounded cottontails before they devoured the bulbs that haven't shot up yet. If Handy Andy recommended a toxin, so be it. Luckily for the little Leporidae, Hardware Hank endorsed Liquid Fence instead. An all-natural product made from organic ingredients that's enviro-friendly, biodegradable and not harmful to humans or animals.

Anyone ever use this stuff before? The label says its guaranteed to keep varmint out of the area applied to, but will leave a "strong odor" until it dries. I gave the jug a few pumps and thought, "Not pleasant, but not so bad." At first, I was worried the stuff wasn't going to be powerful enough. Silly me. I doused every plant in the garden and then hit up the ones behind the house, under the kitchen windows. Standing in the middle of the yard is where the rancid tang overcame me. Don't know why there was a delay, but it sure was a wallop when it hit. I was actually stunned by the stink. I could taste it in my mouth. I honestly considered alerting the neighbors before someone called Public Health. I figured the main ingredient must be something like fermented bear urine. Rusty fluid taken from a 900lb. grizzly upon his first Spring whizz after a long hard hibernation and a last Fall meal of 5 salmon, a dead squirrel and one small caribou. I looked to the label to see that my guess was off. The primary components of this concoction are garlic and "putrescent egg solids." Believe me, it smells much worse than it sounds. They need to start using this stuff in hostage situations. Once the room is filled with this potent potpourri, nary a shot will be fired.

Find your own local Farmers Market here. Oh yeah, Liquid Fence rocks. I haven't seen a single furry interloper since.