The difference of length in feet between Henry David Thoreau's(Taken from this month's Yankee Magazine.)
April 30, 2007
April 24, 2007
Check Please!
In the same vein as the last post, here's another unconventional surgery story that made headlines this week.
An unidentified man ran into a bustling London eatery, attempting to gain access to the kitchen. He was initially blocked by staff but was able to enter a second work area; where he grabbed a butcher's knife and began "slashing himself across the wrists and groin." The chap then proceeded towards the dining area where, according to patron Stuart McMahon, "Everyone was screaming and running out as he jumped on a table, dropped his trousers and popped his penis out. Then he cut it off. I couldn't believe it."
Why the man chose this pizzeria is unknown. But the room was full of customers enjoying their own cocktails at the end of the London Marathon. Maybe the idea just came to him. The audience did not applaud the man's surreal Teppanyaki swordsmanship either. “There was blood everywhere. Everyone ran out of the place.”
Even in his half-cocked state, the constables were forced to use tear gas to bring the fellow down. But they are credited for grabbing the dude's wiener off the floor and throwing it on ice. Since the guy had no ID, Scotland Yard could only tell us that he is 35ish, Polish and "not a well boy." The man was rushed to the hospital where they immediately began the procedure to re-attach his tallywhacker. The Royal College of Surgeons confirms this was the first time that anyone in the UK has had their penis sewed back on.
Dr. Rosenrosen, fresh from this weekend's screening of Vaginal Cholecystectomy, has told TMZ.com that "a detachable penis is a phalacy."
An unidentified man ran into a bustling London eatery, attempting to gain access to the kitchen. He was initially blocked by staff but was able to enter a second work area; where he grabbed a butcher's knife and began "slashing himself across the wrists and groin." The chap then proceeded towards the dining area where, according to patron Stuart McMahon, "Everyone was screaming and running out as he jumped on a table, dropped his trousers and popped his penis out. Then he cut it off. I couldn't believe it."
Why the man chose this pizzeria is unknown. But the room was full of customers enjoying their own cocktails at the end of the London Marathon. Maybe the idea just came to him. The audience did not applaud the man's surreal Teppanyaki swordsmanship either. “There was blood everywhere. Everyone ran out of the place.”Even in his half-cocked state, the constables were forced to use tear gas to bring the fellow down. But they are credited for grabbing the dude's wiener off the floor and throwing it on ice. Since the guy had no ID, Scotland Yard could only tell us that he is 35ish, Polish and "not a well boy." The man was rushed to the hospital where they immediately began the procedure to re-attach his tallywhacker. The Royal College of Surgeons confirms this was the first time that anyone in the UK has had their penis sewed back on.
Dr. Rosenrosen, fresh from this weekend's screening of Vaginal Cholecystectomy, has told TMZ.com that "a detachable penis is a phalacy."
April 20, 2007
Whoa Doc, you just say 'natural orifice'?
They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Evidently, the way to a woman's gallbladder is through her...vagina.
The NY Times is reporting that Doctors have successfully removed a patient's gallbladder by passing instruments through her vajayjay rather than cutting through her belly. Dr's say the technique "will cause less pain and scarring" by "eliminating the need to cut through abdominal muscles, a major source of pain after the surgery."
The surgeon who performed the procedure, Dr. Marc Bessler, was quoted as saying: “Going through a natural orifice, the mouth or rectum or vagina, to get into the abdomen and do an operation, is being excitedly worked on by a whole lot of people." And Dr. Bessler is giddy as a schoolgirl. He even plans to show video of the surgery at a conference in Las Vegas this Sunday. Dr. Rosenrosen is bringing chips. Party on.
These excitable specialists have even formed their very own professional organization called, the Natural Orifice Surgery Consortium for Assessment & Research, or NOSCAR. No kidding. Their goal: to make surgery less and less invasive. And sticking specialized surgical stainless steel up a person's who-ha, grabbing an internal organ and pulling out, seems to qualify as "less invasive". It's rumored that Kyle Busch has already signed on as spokesperson for the group. I think he should have read that contract a little more carefully.
The article also mentions this equally fleshy fact: "Interest in this idea heightened after doctors from India made a video in 2004 showing an appendix being taken out through a patient's mouth." I just hope there is no need for me to have my tonsils removed any time soon. Although, the other day, someone did request that I pull my own head out of my ass.
The NY Times is reporting that Doctors have successfully removed a patient's gallbladder by passing instruments through her vajayjay rather than cutting through her belly. Dr's say the technique "will cause less pain and scarring" by "eliminating the need to cut through abdominal muscles, a major source of pain after the surgery."
The surgeon who performed the procedure, Dr. Marc Bessler, was quoted as saying: “Going through a natural orifice, the mouth or rectum or vagina, to get into the abdomen and do an operation, is being excitedly worked on by a whole lot of people." And Dr. Bessler is giddy as a schoolgirl. He even plans to show video of the surgery at a conference in Las Vegas this Sunday. Dr. Rosenrosen is bringing chips. Party on.
These excitable specialists have even formed their very own professional organization called, the Natural Orifice Surgery Consortium for Assessment & Research, or NOSCAR. No kidding. Their goal: to make surgery less and less invasive. And sticking specialized surgical stainless steel up a person's who-ha, grabbing an internal organ and pulling out, seems to qualify as "less invasive". It's rumored that Kyle Busch has already signed on as spokesperson for the group. I think he should have read that contract a little more carefully.
The article also mentions this equally fleshy fact: "Interest in this idea heightened after doctors from India made a video in 2004 showing an appendix being taken out through a patient's mouth." I just hope there is no need for me to have my tonsils removed any time soon. Although, the other day, someone did request that I pull my own head out of my ass.
April 12, 2007
April 04, 2007
I Want A New Drug
In case you haven't heard about Keith Richards' latest act of total rock n' rollness, let me fill you in. In a Tuesday interview with British music mag NME, Grandpa Keith copped to sniffing a foreign substance. From a guy who's as famous for his drug use as his guitar playing, this should be no startling admission. Except, in this case, the substance in question would be his English dad, Bert, who passed away in 2002.
"The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father. He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared; he didn't give a shit. It went down pretty well and I'm still alive."
How disturbingly Freudian. I wonder if he followed it up with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. No comment yet from mum Doris. But yesterday, Keith's "people" were all over it. A Rolling Stones spokesperson issued a damage control statement saying: "It was an off the cuff remark, a joke, and it's not true. File under April Fool's joke." In an email to MTV, Richards' manager tried to laugh it off saying it was "said in jest...Can't believe anyone took [it] seriously."
I don't know about that. In the same article, Richards talks about his worst drug experience: shooting heroin that, unbeknownst to him, was laced with strychnine. "I was totally comatose but I was totally awake. I could listen to everyone, and they were like, 'He's dead, he's dead!', waving their fingers and pushing me about, and I was thinking, I'm not dead!" He declared the Arctic Monkeys & Bloc Party "rubbish" that in his days "wouldn't even get support billing for a Donny Osmond gig." And talks about his disappointment at the end of his 10 year run at the top of the Celebrity Death Pool. Although colorful, Keith's comments all seemed candid and honest.
Since the story became instant blog fodder, NME has issued their own statement regarding Richards' avowal, saying the remarks were "no quip, but came about after much thinking." Said interviewer Mark Beaumont: "He didn't offer the information, I had to ask him a couple of questions to get the information out of him. He didn't come straight out with that."
We will probably never know if if ol' Keef really did toot his departed dad's cremains or not. Personally, I suspect the legendary substance abuser did it; and then went out and really partied. While he may no longer be #1 in the Death Pool, this half of the Glimmer Twins may have a new ranking to make his daughters proud: the most shocking moment in rock & roll history. What do you think VH1?
"The strangest thing I've tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father. He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared; he didn't give a shit. It went down pretty well and I'm still alive."
How disturbingly Freudian. I wonder if he followed it up with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. No comment yet from mum Doris. But yesterday, Keith's "people" were all over it. A Rolling Stones spokesperson issued a damage control statement saying: "It was an off the cuff remark, a joke, and it's not true. File under April Fool's joke." In an email to MTV, Richards' manager tried to laugh it off saying it was "said in jest...Can't believe anyone took [it] seriously."
I don't know about that. In the same article, Richards talks about his worst drug experience: shooting heroin that, unbeknownst to him, was laced with strychnine. "I was totally comatose but I was totally awake. I could listen to everyone, and they were like, 'He's dead, he's dead!', waving their fingers and pushing me about, and I was thinking, I'm not dead!" He declared the Arctic Monkeys & Bloc Party "rubbish" that in his days "wouldn't even get support billing for a Donny Osmond gig." And talks about his disappointment at the end of his 10 year run at the top of the Celebrity Death Pool. Although colorful, Keith's comments all seemed candid and honest.
Since the story became instant blog fodder, NME has issued their own statement regarding Richards' avowal, saying the remarks were "no quip, but came about after much thinking." Said interviewer Mark Beaumont: "He didn't offer the information, I had to ask him a couple of questions to get the information out of him. He didn't come straight out with that."
We will probably never know if if ol' Keef really did toot his departed dad's cremains or not. Personally, I suspect the legendary substance abuser did it; and then went out and really partied. While he may no longer be #1 in the Death Pool, this half of the Glimmer Twins may have a new ranking to make his daughters proud: the most shocking moment in rock & roll history. What do you think VH1?
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