Steamy

You've heard the phrase “Food Porn” right? The colorful colloquialism is employed everywhere from Real Simple to Anthony Bourdain to the local food bloggers in every town. It’s a buzz word and it always makes me giggle. It’s a good description though. We watch the Food Network and read the magazines as a substitute for the real thing and it really can be stimulating. So if the Rachel Ray is regular old missionary style cuisine, then I have come across the raunchiest culinary fetish blog out there. I’m not sure if it’s a warning or recipe site, but it’s called ThisIsWhyYou'reFat.com and it will astound you six ways ‘till Sunday.

Feast your eyes on such tasty nuggets as the Twinkie Wiener Sandwich (That's a hot dog inside a Twinkie covered in Cheese Wiz), The Pattie LaBurger (A triple bacon cheeseburger sandwiched between two deep fried burger patties instead of a bun) or the Cornhole (Corn on the cob wrapped in bacon surrounded by two hot dogs and two cheese sticks encased in a wad of ground beef). I don't even understand how you're supposed insert that thing into your mouth, but I suggest the proper prophylactic be in place before attempting. Whatever floats your boat, right? I'll let you discover other gastronomical wonders such as the Sausage Fatty, Porkgasm, Toad in the Hole, Lardz, Meat Ship and Hot Beef Sundae on your own. You’ll need a romp on the elliptical just because you looked at this smut, trust me.

Speaking of exercise…the double jogging stroller has shipped from Mpls and should be in your possession within a day or two. Enjoy all that “walking for fitness” you have planned, Meat Ship... I mean, Ken!

Sweet Home

Last week, we loaded up the Wagon Queen Family Truckster and took our brood on a little 400 mile road trip to the Windy City. Our good friends, K&J, have added two new children to their family & we were there to celebrate with them. It was exciting to meet these kids for the first time. They are beautiful, bright eyed and bushy tailed brothers with much vigor and verve. They like to run and jump and smile and crash things into other things; like walls, trees and people. They also liked hitting me and jabbing me in the torso with plastic spikes. Why K&J have a horseshoe set in the yard, I do not know. But I can say the bros don’t know the official rules of horseshoes yet. Nonetheless, a few minor puncture wounds to my belly and thigh notwithstanding, a wonderful time was had by all.

K&J were fun to watch as well. I think it’s easy for everyone to forget that they are brand new parents when their kids are 3 & 4. I thought about how much I have learned over the, almost, 4 years of being a father myself. I recall feeling so ill-prepared and lost those first few months. Nothing can truly equip you for what's in store. K&J certainly did their research, read the books, talked to pros and other families, but it’s a different story once the kids are there; literally over night, in your home, in your charge. I remember feeling so overwhelmed. I imaging K&J are feeling a little of the same right now. I know they are. They're doing a great job though. There is a lot of love in that house. I hope there are a lot of band aids too.

This trip was also a bit atypical for me. It was the first time, since I moved to the City of Big Shoulders in 1990, that I felt a little like a tourist. I guess I have been away for quite some time and we did do some “touristy” things; like visiting Millennium Park for the first time. It was sort of sad. Chicago is my kind of town, but it’s no longer my second city. I’m OK with that though. I loved being able to take my own girls around my Alma mater and former haunts. We got to show them mom and dad’s last apt. They loved the “L” and splashing in the reflection pool of the new Crown Fountain. We even got to take them to Garcia’s for veggie burritos with cheese. Experiencing new things with my own children, watching them discover new things for themselves, thrills me to no end.

When we returned from our trip I let the dog out, unpacked the car and turned on the sprinkler. It was nice. No, it was more than nice. We were home and I was glad. And then this morning, in the car, my two older girls asked when they would next see their new friends in "she-KAH-go", John and Andre and Gregory. Those are kids of some of my best friends. I told them "soon", but I don't know if that's true. How time flies. How my children continue to overwhelm me.