Guten Appetit!

Europe loves Barack Obama. They love him; even the French. But the Germans are Obamamaniacs. The Germans LIEBE him. Karsten Voigt, Germany’s Coordinator for Trans-Atlantic Relations, declared: "Germany is Obamaland” during the Prez' January tour of the continent. You can buy a collector worthy Obama doll, created by renowned German doll maker Marcel Offermann, there for a mere $216 US. "The doll works more on a symbolic level," notes Offermann. I would agree. In an another attempt to capitalize on his popularity, German frozen food company, Sprehe Feinkost, (that’s Sprehe “fine foods”) has produced a new poultry product they decided to dub: Obama Fingers. “Tender, juicy pieces of chicken breast” that are “coated and fried" and served up with a tasty curry dip.

When the possibility of consumer backlash was posed to the co. by a German magazine, Sprehe sales manager, Judith Witting, said: “The word ‘fingers’ in the name refers to the fact that it is a finger food. It's like ‘hotdogs’…No one would ever think they are actually from dogs,” missing the point completely. Now, I feel that political correctness can get a little rambunctious at times (e.g. Freedom Fries) and, to be fair, it doesn’t sound like the racial undertones have even registered with Sprehe yet, but this should have at least been a blip on someone's radar.

It is another country though. I shoulden't be so ethnocentric. Some things won't have the same ring in Deutschland as they might in the States. For better or worse, I suppose. Take for instance the “Gutvik” children’s bed sold by IKEA. Although originally named after a sleepy Swedish village, “gut vik” in German means, “good fu*k”. German IKEA’s sold the good f*ck children’s bed for a while. They also have “Vulva” perfume? It's the German scent that smells like...apple blossoms. I'm just kidding; it smells like vagina. This wasn’t an accident though. It’s vagina scented perfume for women who want to smell like a vagina all over. (Check out some reactions.) And then there’s “Ejaculada”, the German alcoholic sports drink that may or may-not contain actual semen. Yum?

I don't know, but I guess, with products like that, naming your fried chicken after America’s first black President isn't the most peculiar marketing ploy after all. And Germany is Kookyland.

Dear Diarrhea...

Rotavirus is a genus of nonenveloped, double-stranded RNA virus in the family Reoviridae that affects the gastrointestinal system. It's the most common cause of severe diarrhea among children. Every year, about 55,000 tots in the US contract it. Worldwide, 660,000 die from it. It's serious shit and it seeped into our household this weekend.

We don't have a confirmed diagnosis from the CDC or anything, but I looked it up on WebMD and that's just as good, right? Anyhow, after ruling out Shigellosis, Campylobacter, Food Poisoning, Drug Overdose, Giardiasis and Lactose Intolerance, Rotavirus it was. (Actually, their mom, our medical professional, called it after a couple hours.) I'm sure some dirty little day care kid spread it to my family with their dirty little poop fingers. It started out with vomiting. First the baby, then her sister, then the other. They went down like dominoes even before their their temps began to rise. The diarrhea came a day later. Oh God, the diarrhea. It was horrible; this soupy, sour smelling, rota-rhea. My little angels were knocked on their stinky asses by this infectious agent. They were reduced to sacks of 101 degree mush. They couldn’t eat or drink or even sing along to Annie, which we watched, like, 5 times in 4 days. They just laid there, puking then pooping on themselves and me. All I could tell them was, "the sun will come out tomorrow my dears."

I feel a little guilty for getting huffy every time I had to clean up a mess. Things were much worse for my girls than me, I know, I really do and I felt so sad for them; but it was such a mess. I kept saying, “hate the diarrhea, not the diarrheaer”. But man, we went through a month’s worth of bedding and clothing this weekend. 9 loads of laundry. I cursed the little urchin that brought this plague upon our home! I bet it was Brandon.

Turns out half our day care group was struck; including Day Care Lady herself. She was at some board meeting Friday night when it hit her. I’ll confess, that made me laugh a little. (Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now.) She should be hyper-vigilant about hand washing this week though. She better be because kids can become re-contaminated and I don't want any of us to go through this again, ever. And if I end up coming down with it, lil' Brandon better watch his back.

8oo8le55

Slip in your pocket protector and polish your slide rule. We're gonna party like it's March 3, 2009. Happy Square Root Day Everyone! This rare holiday happens when the day and month are both the square root of the last two digits of the current year. It only occurs nine times a century folks. Mathematically, March 3, 2009, can be expressed as 3/3/09 or, as the cool kids call it: 3² = 3 × 3 = 9. Woot Woot! Ron Gordon, a Redwood City, CA. driver's ed and substance abuse teacher, dreamed up the day as a way to get kids excited about math.

“These days are like calendar comets, you wait and wait and wait for them, then they brighten up your day — and poof — they’re gone,” says Ron.

And if the mad math itself doesn't motivate you, how about the prospect of pocketing 339 dollars straight outta Ron's own wallet? That's right; pull off the biggest Square Root Day event and it's yours. You have to sign up on his daughter's Facebook "Square Root Day" event page to get in on it though. Believe it or not, there are several sites dedicated to the day, so make sure you hit up the right page.

Now, you might be wondering, how does one celebrate such a magnificently mathematical milestone? Suggestions include: cutting root vegetables into cubes and cooking up some hash; baking a carrot cake in a 9x9 pan; watching a VHS marathon of the second season of Square Pegs; square dancing and mowing the square root symbol in a corn field. Gordon's own students will be dining on "root" beer in "square" beakers. (Damn, he's good!)

If you're thinking, eh, this is just another made up holiday, you'd totally be right. But know that the next one won't come before 4/4/16. However, if you do miss it, there's always March 14 (3.14), also known as Pi Day. Or the other "calendar comet" of November 11, 2011 (On the Power of One Day, at 11:11:11 am, on 11.11.11, something weird will happen). And on 03.06.09, geeks everywhere will be escorting their Real Dolls to the Watchmen premier. Watch out.

Myself, I'm going to find, at least, one person to tell the story of the lass with boobs that weighed 69 lbs. to. I'll break out my calculator to show them that 69 is too, too, too heavy. So she had to go to Fifty First St. to see Dr. X, who gave her 8 operations, that equal 55378008, which spells out the poor girl's fate...when I turn my Casio upside down!